It’s Getting Rough In Here: Tapping Into Resource During Pandemic Quarantine

Covid-19

The virus that is changing the world in 2020

I keep hearing it: “I was okay at first. I have a bunch of skills, I’m resourceful, I know how to take care of myself. But being in quarantine is bringing up stuff I thought I’d worked through already. I’m revisiting themes and impulses I thought I was done with. I’m fine one minute, one day, and then the next, I feel lonely, afraid, powerless. I feel the pull to [insert self-destructive habit]. I’m conscientious one minute, giving a nod and a “have a good day!” And then the next I’m barely containing rage at the stupidity of someone coming too close to me, or touching their mask and then their face - “Dude! You know you are infecting yourself like that, right?” I don’t know how to trust my decisions. I can’t focus. I don’t know when this will end or how to prepare for the financial fallout.”

You’re not alone in this experience, even if you’re alone in your house or feeling lonely in a room full of relatives. While our thinking brains may logically understand that quarantine is for the greater good, our emotional and habitual brains may be feeling like we are back in other scary or confusing times we’ve been through. It can feel like the younger parts of ourselves are running the show, even if we are doing our best to adjust as rational adults to not having all of our routines, products, services and foods available. We may find ourselves short-tempered, making strange food combinations, and wearing the same pair of pajamas on repeat (hey, they’re still clean, right?).

All of this is human. And there are ways to be human in our bodies that can help. Here are a few resources that may help in these times.

Authenticity & Outlook

Be authentic with yourself and others. That doesn’t mean wallow in misery or complain about every little thing—although you may want to allow yourself 5-10 minutes per day to throw a complaining pity party to get it out. You don’t have to cover up the panic with rainbows and glitter. It’s a roller coaster of emotions out here. Be real. Your body will respond well to you not b.s.-ing it. It knows when you’re lying and it will rebel. Acknowledge the yuck and then parent your body well by choosing a helpful outlook.

Find the outlook that helps you focus on what’s important. Now is the time to clarify what you believe is the greater good, the organizing principle, your spiritual philosophy. An outlook is like a flashlight in the darkness of uncertainty. For example, when I find myself reacting to a couple of negative interactions with humans, I first need to be angry or upset, and then I try to remember that people are doing the best they can, even if it doesn’t feel like enough to me in that moment. I remind myself that I don’t know what’s going on in their lives, and I can choose to turn our interaction into something that turns it around for both of us. And if I act like the worst version of myself, I try to remember that I’m doing the best I can, too, and apologize when I can.

Gratitude & Acceptance

Give yourself and others as much grace as you can during this time. I’m not talking about pretending things don’t suck right now. They do. It’s about acknowledging the suck and accepting it’s a reality right now. Then choosing to also see the good or what’s working, not because it makes us good or enlightened people, but because it helps our brains find more things that are good in a time when we may be panicking about all the unexpected bad. And when our brains find what’s good, our bodies tend to respond by relaxing and processing the events better.

There’s a collective grief happening across the world right now. We are grieving the plans we had. We are grieving the ceremonies, anniversaries, birthdays and accomplishments that were supposed to happen differently, the lifestyle we lived not long ago, the changes we were arranging, the way we process the world or feel sane. We are grieving the losses of the past or the futures that are truncated, the hardships we’ve been through, the times we’ve felt powerless, lost and alone. We are grieving a world that matches our vision for it.

And grief is messy. It’s sadness, anger and denial. It’s chaotic and non-linear. It can feel like a backslide, but what if it’s also an opportunity to revisit these feelings or memories with more skill and resource than you had before?

Opportunity & Curiosity

There’s opportunity in this grief. We are forced to live a different way than we ever have. We may find ourselves with considerably more time on our hands with fewer excuses than ever before to do all the self-care we put on the back burner due to lack of time. It has been super difficult for folks to focus during this time, so don’t beat yourself up for not starting that online bootcamp. However, waking up and deciding on a few priorities can turn the endless blursdays into some time well spent.

Conversely, our time might be getting sucked into learning a whole new set of skills we never needed before in order to stay marketable. Video chatting has become social survival and restructuring the way we deliver goods in ways that limit exposure has become a commercial necessity. You may have to learn or do things in ways you hadn’t wanted or planned, but learning new things helps our brains wire differently. It’s a chance to break routine patterns and discover new insights. Be on the lookout for opportunities to grow or understand life in new ways.

Or, if you have been called to the frontlines of service—working far greater hours with far less pay—putting your life and your family’s at risk (whether you wanted to or not, whether you feel more desperate for a paycheck than a hero) in order to meet the demands of this moment, you are under a considerable strain. You may feel deeply connected to purpose or exponentially overwhelmed and traumatized, or both. Your bosses may be gaslighting you about your very real concerns and needs for safety, for a break, for reality, for support. It can be near impossible to slow the onslaught of crap sandwiches coming your way to even find a positive outlook. You may be passing your crap sandwich to the next person because you can’t chew one more bite.

Any way you slice it, we are being forced to adjust and to live in a new reality. With the amount of chaos coming in, it can often feel overwhelming. But, there will be moments of grace, where you can decide to break the chain, to have a human moment. We may not get to choose the distance we need to be from others, the risk of going out for groceries, the amount of protective gear we have or need, but we can choose to find the humanity in ourselves and others. You can choose to calm someone’s anxiety about dying from covid, even though you don’t think they have it and they’re wasting your precious time. We are all scared and confused and panicked. But we are also all human. Breath is almost always accessible (unless you have covid, which is the scary part about this illness—it steals one of our most valuable resources).

When you are able, get out of “me-me-me” and into “we.” How can we be of service to each other and to the greater good during this time? What can we learn about humanity and ourselves? How can we get curious about another person’s experience or our own? How can we find the best version of ourselves as much as possible and still give ourselves permission to not be superheroes. Or, if we have become someone’s unintentional villain, what can we learn from that experience?

Connection & Emotion

If physical distancing is highlighting anything, it’s how important human connection is. Even if you’re an introvert and rather enjoying the lack of social anxiety or constant stimulation, most of us need to feel connected to our humans. I’ve never been more grateful for the internet than during this pandemic. This is a time to slow down and pay attention to those inner nudges that are getting loud right now, telling you if you’re not living your purpose, not fulfilling your relationship desires, not aligned with your true priorities. This is the time to understand the difference between relationships of convenience or acquaintance and true connection—to see with clarity the people in your life who get you, who got your back and vice versa.

We know from neuroscience that addictions are really about our attachments (how we relate) to others, and during this time, you may feel the echo of your demons surfacing. You may be getting impulses to reach for that drink, that drug, that food, that exercise, or be tempted to put yourself and others in danger because you don’t feel you can keep away from physical contact. There are online 12-step support groups and a ton of therapists that can zoom in with you. Don’t white knuckle this. Ask about reduced rates if needed.

You may be quarantining alone, and alone with your loneliness, or stuck in a house with your partner or family. Neither is easy. Both will bring up our relationship to relationship. The cobwebs are certainly exposed. What conscious decisions are you making about the relationships you want? What’s no longer serving you that you’re willing to let go of? How can this experience serve your relational evolution so that you are prepared for the new world that will exist when this crisis is over?

Schedule & Routine/Movement & Nutrition

And lastly, y’all know, but I’m going to remind you about the importance of structure and values-driven habits. It’s okay to reach for comfort, or even ease during this time. It’s not about perfection or rules. But, when you can kindly and gently be there for yourself, having a schedule & routine can put meaning to the day. Eating nutritious foods and getting movement and sunlight will certainly support your nervous system through these difficult times.

Stay well, my friends. There will be an end to this pandemic. There will have been sacrifice and loss, for sure. But, if you choose, there will be growth and opportunity as well.