Body-Centered Therapy

Scenario: “Neha” from Fine to Fantastic

Neha was nonchalantly talking about her dad not being in her life growing up. No big deal. “It’s always been that way, so it’s not like I’m missing anything,” she said. But as she said that, I noticed her eyes looked like they were welling up. I asked her to slow down for a second and pay attention to the sensations in her eyes. “I’m fine,” she said. “I know,” I replied, “but if you’re willing, I’d like you to check in.” As she tuned in, she began crying, which surprised her. She followed the sensation and emotion, weeping without words. When it came to completion, she realized she was sad about not having a dad growing up and not having one to go to in adulthood. She had told herself she wasn’t sad in order to get by, so people didn’t feel sorry for her, so she didn’t feel sorry for herself. She never felt safe to feel sad about it. But, now she couldn’t deny it. And permitting herself to feel this allowed her to access a belief that was running the show — that she didn’t trust men to be there or show up for her. Once she knew that this was happening, she was able to update her beliefs based on more current experiences and to create the relationships she wanted with men.

How Somatic Therapy Works

Somatic (body-centered) therapy takes talk therapy to the next level. It integrates the parts of our brain that think thoughts, with the parts of our brain that hold emotion and trauma. And, let’s be real—emotion and trauma are usually what puts us in enough pain to seek help from someone else on our journey. Our bodies hold truths that our minds can try to avoid through rationalizations, defenses, putting on a front, etc. Our bodies keep us real.

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.” ~ Joseph Campbell

Most of us have a desire to feel alive and to be truly seen. The trick is that we want to be seen with love, not shame or judgment. For many of us, we have hang-ups about being seen that keep us from the rapture of being alive because we are holding onto shame. Shame for thinking we’re too much or not enough, too big or too small, too dark or too light, for feeling too good or for feeling too badly, for accomplishing too much or not enough, for speaking out or not speaking up. We may believe that people judge us like we are literally the worst mistake we ever made. Or we worry that if people ever knew how inadequate we felt, how scared or vulnerable or not okay we were, that we’d lose everything we’ve been striving for. The world would crack open and swallow us whole.

Our experiences of microaggressions or oppression — whether based on race, gender, gender identity or expression, who or how we love, religion or lack thereof, for thinking or moving a little differently than those around us, for our health status or invisible disabilities, for our country of origin, or the intersection of several — live in our tissues.

The way your voice wasn’t acknowledged or heard in that meeting, even though someone else said the same exact thing and got the credit. The way people in the store or at the airport clutched their purses, pearls, wallets or kids when you walked by. The way no one said a word and ignored you when you spoke out. The way you subtly stopped getting invited or were overtly excluded. You are not making it up or being too sensitive. I see you.

I work with folks to listen and to understand where they’re coming from. Words, stories, and thoughts matter. We need to make meaning from our experiences. And we need to integrate those experiences in and through the body. Because an embodied person is an empowered person.