How to Decide if Therapy is Worth the Investment for You

If we want to get better at a sport or skill, we have little problem seeing the value in going to an athletic coach, fitness trainer, or music teacher. Yet, when it comes to our personal lives, our mental health, we often expect ourselves to just know everything like a reptile that hatched from an egg, programmed for everything it will ever need. But humans don’t work like that. We get better through observation, imitation, socialization and being loved and taught.

The right therapist or coach can see where you are in your journey and help you refine your life skills for better performance or satisfaction with all sorts of issues, including money. They can help you connect with resources and sit with your feelings, learn new skills, and course-correct. And that’s a lot of valuable time and money saved NOT having to learn the hard way. That’s time and energy freed up to feel pleasure, joy and peace.

The Money Struggle is Real

Money is like any other relationship—if we’re not in right relationship with it, more won’t necessarily be better—it may just amplify our unconscious patterns. After having enough for basic needs and not having to stress about how the next bill is going to get paid, more money doesn’t statistically correlate with more happiness. But having more time does. It’s how we relate to and organize our money and time that brings satisfaction.

Whether we had a lot of it growing up or not enough, we all received messages about money. Maybe you have a really healthy relationship to money from seeing it role modeled or making choices for your own happiness. You may have come from money and seen it used as a power play in your family, so you learned to either avoid it, feel ashamed of it or use it to have control. You may have come from not having much money at all, so you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps—even though you shouldn’t have had to—made use of your talents, studied hard and got a degree or specific training, and got to work. You may have debt from training or credit cards because you didn’t get an education on finances and don’t have a trust fund or a rich benefactor; but hey, you invested in you, and that’s awesome! YOU are your biggest asset. 

Even if you make more than your parents did, you may have had to pay the Black (or BIPOC or immigrant or working class) tax and give back to your friends and family because you want, or feel obligated, to help. Or your money goes straight to your kids before you can even count it. Or you have no one who has your back. Or all of the above. You’re the only one who can make the money or the money doesn’t go far. If you set your sites on making more, you may be called a sellout for taking a corporate job or working with people outside your community. It may feel like you can’t seem to win. Your choices feel or are limited by your financial circumstances.

*For budget and income tips, see the end of this article below asterisked line.

Cost vs Benefit

Therapy is an investment in your biggest asset—YOU. Your life doesn’t work without you. So let’s look at what the real costs and benefits of therapy are.

How long have you been struggling and how much does it actually cost you? When you think about the pain and trauma you’ve been carrying around, how much of your joy has it robbed? How often do you not like the person looking back at you in the mirror? How much does panic or self-doubt keep you from making great decisions or stuck in harmful patterns? How much money do you spend on drugs, alcohol, medical visits, serums, potions, and treatments to try to avoid or manage painful feelings? How much does low self-esteem or distrust in others truly cost you in keeping you from asking for that raise or starting your own business or finding the love you seek?

What would your world be like if you could wake up feeling less burdened? How much more energy or time would you have to dedicate to the relationships that matter or the purpose you have on Earth? How much of your time, energy or money is worth investing in yourself, as the best asset you have, to be more of who you’re meant to be? If $300-600 a month is no problem for a tricked out car, would reallocating those funds be worth healing your traumas? 

What’s the cost of not doing therapy? Are you on track to losing a spouse or romantic partner due to ineffective communication skills or emotional volatility? What money are you not making due to being sick all the time or stuck in a dead-end job that doesn’t pay you enough because you struggle believing you’re worth more? A therapist can work with you on these issues.

Rightness of Therapeutic Fit

The only evidence that we have about therapy working is that the relationship matters far more than any technique or style. Technique and style matter, but administered by a person you don’t click with and it won’t get very far if trust is something you’re working through. You have to trust enough that the person you’re seeing cares about you, has skills that will help you, and will offer you something of value. 

When inquiring about a particular therapist, you may want to ask about whether they have the skills or experience to help you with what you want to improve in your life. How do they work? Do you like their personality? Do you feel like they get you?

Identify goals. Who will you be and how will your life look and feel when you’ve succeeded? When you tell your potential therapist what you want to achieve, do you get the sense they can take you there?

This isn’t a friendship for a reason. Comfort isn’t the only way to measure fit. It should be a healthy mix of comfort and discomfort so that you’re in your zone of proximal growth. Too much comfort and you’re not learning. Too much discomfort and you’re too stressed or traumatized to grow or change.

Therapy is useful because the relationship is one-sided for your benefit. The therapist doesn’t need anything emotional from you, so they can stay objective. That said, it still has to feel like a relationship you can trust is relatively secure, attuned to your needs, and can handle conflict skillfully and repair ruptures. If you find this relationship, it’s a thing of beauty and something worth stretching for.

 Consider the Value in the Fee

You want a therapist who understands your experience, who doesn’t throw microaggressions at you like beads at a Mardi Gras festival. So you seek a therapist with specialization in something important to you or a therapist with an identity that matches yours. Chances are, the therapist who can speak to your needs and be effective with your issues has overcome their own obstacles and challenges. 

If you’re seeing a formally trained therapist, they have gone to four years of college and either two to three years of graduate school or five to seven years for a PhD or PsyD. They’ve spent, on average, around $120k for post-secondary schooling. While they were in school, they worked for free, under plenty of supervision, for two years to learn how to be a therapist. Once they got their degree, if they wanted to get licensed, they did another two years supervised by a licensed professional. That cost them either their supervisor’s fee every other week or they got free supervision in exchange for working in an agency that more than likely grossly overworked and grossly underpaid them. They then take trainings to specialize and continue their education. But your therapist does it, because they genuinely want to help and they know how hard it is and what a blessing it is to find a therapist who can click and be effective.

When a therapist sets their fees at the going professional rate or according to the value they bring, it is not to be a greedy capitalist. Their fee is a small investment in accessing some of the wisdom they have gained from schooling, professional and life experiences. Consider that you’re investing in your future self, guided by the knowledge of almost 200 years of science and healing arts at their mind’s fingertips, years of their professional experience guided by their supervisors’ wisdom that is then refined by their colleagues and continuing education. If you are seeking this therapist particularly for one or more of their identities, consider paying them their full fee as an act of revolution to see a marginalized person getting paid what they deserve and let that permeate your own sense of worth as a model for you getting paid a living wage, too.

Weigh the Harm vs Benefit

Money stress is real. Your expenditures matter. You can’t go broke trying to help yourself heal.

But also, consider the dynamics that happen when you think you’re getting something on the cheap. You could start to feel pulled into savior/helpless dynamics in which you might feel like your therapist resents you or you have to play nicer than you feel because you know you’re getting a favor. You may value the advice or intervention less if you know you’re getting it for less than market value. Consider the cost of that “deal.”

Therapists do understand the reality of a tight income. But instead of cutting expenses, consider utilizing your therapist to help you make more money to be able to afford them and your bigger life. There are many avenues to affordability, including but not limited to:

• insurance or medicaid/care

• reduced fees for limited times

• doing fewer sessions per month

• group therapy

• sliding scale slots

• short-term brief therapy with specific priority goal

• receiving services at a non-profit or school

• Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

• getting a benefactor or scholarship

• cut expenses that aren’t serving you

The fee should feel a bit like a stretch so that you value it, but not unmanageable. Your consulted therapist should be able to give you an opinion about what the best frequency of treatment is for you and either help you: find an affordable resource, design homework assignments between session gaps, or offer other solutions to get the most out of what you’re able to do.

If you click with someone, but the fees are getting in the way, consider having a conversation with the therapist about being efficient with your hard-earned money. Set and prioritize goals so that you can commit to a chunk of sessions and reevaluate your progress and needs at that time. Most people can see some results or improvements in 6-10 weeks on a specific goal if they’re dedicated to applying what they learn in therapy to the rest of their life. 

Whatever you decide, remember YOU are the most important asset you could ever invest in.

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Budget & Income Sources Tips

We’re used to the budget and expenses we have. We often don’t think about auditing our expenses to see if what we’re spending is working for us. One of the ways people lose unnecessary money is through overdraft fees and high interest rates on cards. It can be sobering to take stock and see how much being broke or distracted is costing. Here are some ways to get into right relationship with your money and avoid overdraft fees and higher interest rates:

• Audit Your Bank Statements - take a look at every expense for the last 3 months to a year

• Organize Expenses - Make a List 

  • Bills that are the same every month (fixed) like rent or loan payments 

  • Bills that vary (variable) like heat bill or food (budget the monthly average)

  • Factor in annual or quarterly expenses so you can save monthly for them

  • Organize by Due Date - so you can plan by paycheck

  • Align with Your Values - if going out to eat a few times a week gives your life meaning, but having 10 TV subscriptions does nothing for you, cut the TV

  • These are your monthly expenses to budget for. Spend less than you make.

  • Express gratitude that you have the money when paying your bills

• Get a Month Ahead of Monthly Expenses 

  • Keep a month’s worth of monthly expenses in your checking account, if you can

  • Now you can set autopay without overdraft fear, which will free your mind from remembering, increase your credit score and lower your interest rates 

• Savings Buckets

  • First, save 3-6 months worth of all your monthly expenses so that if something unexpected happens, you won’t go right back into debt. Generally, if you’re solo, save six; if you’re sharing finances, save three.

  • Second, save 20% (25% if you’re ambitious) of your gross income in retirement savings. Your money grows exponentially, so the sooner and the more you save, the more it will grow.

  • Third, once your 3-6 months is saved, you can allocate the monthly savings to your goals and investments

• Increase Income Where Possible

  • Ask for a raise 

  • Get a side hustle 

  • Rent out something you own

  • Get a special training in your field and leverage it

  • Do you know someone who can get you an interview for a higher paying job?

  • Is there an alternative way for a family member you help to get what they need?

  • Use this extra income for what your goal is (ex: pay debt down, therapy, travel)

• Pay Off Debt to Free Your Income

  • Target either the highest interest rate loan/card or the lowest balance loan/card

  • Pay more than the minimum payment on that one until it’s gone

  • Snowball - use the money you would have spent on the monthly payment you don’t have anymore (plus the extra) to pay down the next one

• Understand the Difference Between Assets and Liabilities

  • Assets are investments that make you money - a college degree, a house, YOU

  • Liabilities are money spent - a car, bills, movies, etc.

  • Prioritize Assets