Navigating Thanksgiving While Recovering from an Eating Disorder

When you have an eating disorder or disordered eating, the Thanksgiving holiday can feel like your worst nightmare coming true while simultaneously trying to navigate people’s expectations that you’re happy. Disordered bingeing and restricting gets normalized as viable meal plan strategies. People unabashedly talk about things that would be recovery no-no’s. This holiday really points out how much our whole culture is sick with its relationship to bodies and eating. But it can be a horribly insensitive time for folks who are struggling with eating and body image 365 days a year.

I’ve worked with people recovering from eating disorders off and on since the turn of the century. What I know is that people often relate to their objects of addiction (be it food, sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.) the way they learned to relate to their primary caregivers and, subsequently, their emotional or romantic partners (i.e. attachment styles). So, seeing family or not seeing family can bring up stuff that can make recovery even more difficult. 

You may be alone this year because you’re trying to respect everyone’s health as COVID numbers surge, which brings up loneliness and longing for contact. You may have gotten negative COVID test results, meticulously hand-washed and wore a mask as you traveled to see family you haven’t seen all year. Or you may be stuck at home with the same folks you’ve seen every day since March. 

Seeing someone who doesn’t have disordered eating have a completely relaxed approach to eating things that your eating disorder brain deems “bad” can bring jealousy and a feeling of inferiority. Having to deal with that relative who drinks too much can be triggering. Hearing your mom casually tell you that something about you is wrong and that’s why you’re not dating anyone or hearing your dad deadname you or call your romantic partner your friend can feel completely invalidating. You may hear relatives say negative things about people from your political point of view that brings up anger or rage. Or your close friend may surprisingly reveal unexamined internalized dominance that’s hurtful to you. And you may feel forgotten or deeply upset that this holiday has its origins in the betrayal and genocide of knowingly infecting Native American and indiginous people with a virus not all that different from the one that is currently disproportionately affecting people of color in this country.

So, 

Go slowly.

Take breaks. 

Make a plan. 

Focus on gratitude.

Don’t starve to binge. 

Remember your worth.

Have a check-in buddy.

Listen to your body’s cues.

Health happens at every size.

Eat meals throughout the day.

Practice mindful eating and breathing.

Be present to pleasure and enjoy yourself.

Steer clear of trigger topics in mixed crowds.

Be mindful of how you talk about food and bodies.

Remind others that their mindful speech is important to you.

Wherever you are, and whatever you do, remember that you are worthy of food and love.